I remember being in high school and just writing words on pages having no idea what they meant, just that they meant something to me. I wrote about love and loss and all the things I lived through and even things I hadn’t yet experienced. It was a strange feeling, knowing the words to say but not being able to associate the feelings with them yet. As I get older I go back to a lot of those writings, finding things that now relate to who I am and what I’ve been through.
I came across something I wrote some 10 years ago and coincidentally it seems to find its place in my current life situation. After a weekend back in my hometown and what feels like a new season of life for me, it seemed to fit perfectly. Hopefully it will resonate with all of you as well.
It can be heavy on your soul to open it to a new chapter; moving on is overwhelming. That doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing, it just means we’re human. I believe some emotions and feelings are meant to be carried with you. They will not disappear from your heart, no matter how much time has passed. Moving on doesn't mean forgetting, it’s simply closing the door to an old house you’ve moved out of, saying goodbye, and leaving the key on the step. One day you’ll drive by and you’ll remember the way the stairs curved, the way the tile hit the wood in the kitchen, the way it felt to step out onto the deck with your morning coffee; but then you’ll realize those memories are all behind that door, one that you closed because your new adventure called you home. Through a new door with fresh paint, a large island in the kitchen where you now drink coffee, and that hammock out the back door that you read your book in. You’ve filled this space with new memories that bring you comfort after a long day. And then years later, you’ll come by a photo of you in that old house and for a minute you’ll stop and the memories will replay again in your mind and you’ll smile because that younger version of you would be so proud of who you are now. So you put the photo down and close the box, and you can’t help but smile because where you are today is exactly where you are supposed to be.
"To everything I've ever lost - thank you for setting me free"