Writers Block

Honestly, I wouldn’t consider myself a writer, but when you wanna talk about the things you think are important and all the words get jumbled up in your brain and you can’t quite find the right thing to say, I imagine it’s a lot like writers block. I’ve started three blog posts in the past three months, none of which I’ve been able to finish writing. I think it’s funny because I have so much to say but truthfully I don’t always know how to say it. I think maybe sometimes we overthink or even over complicate the little things. To put it in perspective let’s talk about telling people how you feel about them. It’s pretty simple - you feel what you feel, if only it was that easy to just tell them that. We can’t just come out and say all the things we want because there’s consequences and repercussions of what we do and what we say. But the truth is, at the end of the day it’s pretty dang simple. Sometimes I feel like I’m beating a dead horse and saying the same thing over and over again in all of these posts. But when I look back on this past year a lot of what happened to me brought me here and a lot of those experiences had similar lessons. We can continue to live our lives the same way we always have and then something like cancer looks you in the face; in the blink of an eye you begin to think differently. You begin to wonder if maybe you should tell the people you love that you love them. A friend of mine asked me why I hadn’t put out a post in a while. And I think I was trying to find the right words to say, but honestly there are no right words. There is no right time. If this past year has taught me anything it’s that time is fleeting and the only moment we have is this one.

I always felt like I wasn’t gonna be around for very long. And although my dark sense of humor can be a bit morbid it’s not really what I’m doing here. I can’t exactly explain it, and I’m not going to try. But if you ever question why I wear my heart on my sleeve and why I’m so brutally honest about the way I feel, and maybe why I sound like a broken record, I think that’s why.

So, I won’t write a wish for the new year, I won’t set a new years resolution, chances are I won’t even make it to midnight. And that’s not because I don’t love this time of year, I just no longer believe life works that way. Things don’t just start over because the Earth finished its lap around the sun. I’m grateful for everyday the sun sets and every day that it rises. December 31st is no different.

I don’t know who I’ll be next year, hell I don’t even know who I’ll be tomorrow. But one thing I do know is that 2022 was single handedly the hardest year I’ve had to face. I’m thankful for all I’ve been through, I’m grateful for all I’ve overcome. And what’s absolutely crazy, is that the realization that tomorrow is not guaranteed actually taught me to open my heart up again. To know I’m worthy of love, to know I’m worth so much more than I’ve ever given myself any credit for. So maybe you believe in closing the chapter on another year and reinventing yourself in the upcoming one. Or maybe you don’t. But whatever it is you believe, I hope you choose to look at life a little differently today. I hope you remember that nothing is guaranteed except this moment right here. So call your parents, send that text, jump in the car and make the drive. Love is the only thing we will never be able to give enough of.

Where the bridges burned, I bloomed.